The most important aspect of marriage in Middle-Earth is to remember we must separate what we as players know from our real life modern world to that which is canon for Shadows of Isildur.
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MARRIAGE TRADITIONS AND CEREMONIES:
HUMAN
Region - Rhovanion
Beorning
- CEREMONY: Heads of either family give braided heather crowns to their kin to whom is marrying and the pair wear these during a gift-giving ceremony. The giving of these particular gifts to each other is the symbol of their union and can either be done privately or with their families. Like all grand ceremonies and celebrations of the Beornings, it is usually a time of great feasting.
- Amongst their own people litigants and other finer legalities of other Men are usually not a part of their lives and indeed, the laws of outsiders might tend to confuse them. Amongst their people, the Chieftain’s acceptance of a Union makes it legally valid. With the importance of trade with their fine products and their note as hard workers and fierce warriors, City Halls where they live tend to assist in understanding the requirement of legal documents.
- SYMBOL: To signify the marriage a Beorning man will give unto the woman a special fur or pelt cloak or wood-carved tool made by himself to demonstrate his protection and ability to support their futures. The woman will give unto the man a special jar of honey or a prized tunic to demonstrate her support and care in their futures. These tokens are usually kept safe and not carried in public.
Native Rhovanion
CEREMONY: Once the Acceptance has been sent from City Hall or once the Contracts are signed at the litigant’s office - the marriage is in effect and this is the most common of ceremonies to be had as Rhovanions are a pragmatic sort, modest and simple. It is common that during signings or the reading of the Acceptance, both which confirm the legitimacy of the union, that both man and woman wear blue. The act of getting married is usually a private, inter-family ordeal because marriages affect both sides of the union.
After the private ceremony takes place there is likely to be some public aspect, even if just a gathering at the local tavern as a bit of cheer is always welcome in Rhovanion against the stark reminder that is Mirkwood and all that it entails.
SYMBOL: To signify the marriage a Rhovanion man and woman will give each other a token which varies between regions of Rhovanion. The most notable is an embroidered kerchief with a close second of being a candle that is either never lit, lit only during the first night, lit only during the first hour of their children's birth, lit only upon either spouse's death, or lit only when attempting to produce a child. Superstitions and traditions with candle-lighting vary but the general idea is to be sparse for it is a symbol. These tokens are kept someplace safe and rarely ever worn or carried in public.
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Dorwinion - Middle Class
CEREMONY: Once Acceptance has been send sent from City Hall or once the Contracts are signed at City Hall - the marriage is in effect. It is common that during signings or the reading of the Acceptance, both which confirm the legitimacy of the union, that both man and woman wear yellow. The act of getting married is usually a private, inter-family ordeal because marriages affect both sides of the union.
After the private ceremony, there is likely to be some public aspect because any good celebration in Dorwinion calls for drinking wine, and of course, wine tastes better in the company of friends.
SYMBOL: To signify the marriage a Dorwinion man and woman will give each other a charm to symbolize their union which is kept private and is not worn or carried in public and varies based on region. It is part of Dorwinion culture that a common-born woman, once married, wears a red scarf and unmarried women do not. This scarf is either worn on head, hip, around the neck, or in one's hair. To wear such before marriage is a way to ward off advances though is said to welcome ill-wrought fortune in one's romantic affairs.
Dorwinion - Higher Caste
Kandavan -
CEREMONY: Once Acceptance has been send sent from City Hall or once the Contracts are signed at City Hall - the marriage is in effect for the common-born and common-caste Dorwinion. It is common that during signings or the reading of the Acceptance, both which confirm the legitimacy of the union, that both man and woman wear yellow. Kandavan often marry those of another Dorwinion House, to marry beneath one's caste typically gets them ousted from the family all-together. During the Negotiation Process it is determined if this couple will be marrying into the Kandavan or if the Kandavan are marrying one of their own into another Household. The following is only if the Negotiation called for another of proper caste to be married into the Kandavan. Due to the Kandavan's lavish lifestyle and upper-caste station it is very common and even expected to have some festive to-do that includes both families no matter how distant that cousin might be. There is still no wedding procession or reception, but a festive feast is the norm for them. Each father is expected to make sport of their offered man or woman in the union by way of games during the feast. The most common and most entertaining sport is to 'Pay the Ransom' where the new wife is hidden away and her parents ask for payment from the husband who pays in some fashion and the wife is produced though it rarely is ever the actual wife and is usually another relative trussed up like her and when he asks for his love, he is then asked to pay more. It is intended to be a very comical scene and everyone gets rather involved in the fun of it. Each mother is expected to make sport of their offered man or woman in the union by way of songs and poetry during the feast. This gives both mothers an opportunity to show off their prowess in either skill or money to back the skill of a skilled minstrel or poet.
SYMBOL: To signify the marriage a Kandavan man or woman will give their spouse a token to demonstrate their union. Kandavan are infamous for showing off in this by giving the best, biggest, most expensive and most rare of tokens though these are, like other tokens, kept safe someplace and very rarely worn, to wear it is to tempt bad luck in its loss. The most typical and traditional token is a crown and the act of giving it to one another during the ceremony with their family is 'crowning'. A married Kandavan will proclaim they're married by wearing upon their left wrist, over the tattooed symbol of House Kandavan a bracelet woven of spidersilk or seasilk, both very rare and exceedingly expensive.
Godgrim -
CEREMONY: Once Acceptance has been send sent from City Hall or once the Contracts are signed at City Hall - the marriage is in effect for the upper-caste Dorwinion. It is common that during signings or the reading of the Acceptance, both which confirm the legitimacy of the union, that both man and woman wear yellow. During the Negotiation Process it is determined if this couple will be marrying into the Godgrim family or one of the Godgrim is marrying into another family. There are two types of Godgrim marriages; by deed and by parol. By deed means that to prevent family shame, if it is found that one of its own have enter pre-marital intimacies and these have become undeniable through pregnancy - the two who have committed the situation are quickly and quietly married so long as both are of appropriate caste. If the woman is not Godgrim and not of caste - the family will deny the union completely and her offspring is her problem. If the woman is not Godgrim and born of one of the Households - the family will commit marriage by deed and three witnesses from either family can legally bind the pair at City Hall without their consent. By parol means it is a marriage that the family has planned and supports. It should be noted that the Godgrim House has slightly varied rulings on inheritance when it comes to those married in their house: If the wife happens to predecease the husband and there are no children of the marriage, the husband shall receive only one-fourth part of the wife's portion for himself, and the remainder thereof shall be given to the beneficiaries named in the wife's will or, if she be intestate, to the next of her kin. If the husband predeceases the wife, and there are no children of the marriage, then all the wife's portion shall revert to her, and so much of her husband's estate as shall be equal to a fourth part of his portion shall also inure to her as her own, and the remainder of his estate shall revert either to his beneficiaries or, if he be intestate, to his next of kin. If the husband predecease the wife and there are children of the marriage, the wife being their mother, she shall control her marriage portion and all her husband's property. It is custom that the Godgrim court before negotiations are made and met, instead the man wooing his would-be wife with excessive poetry and minstreling, showing his prowess and ability in music and rhyme or his wealth in hiring only the best to woo his interest. It is not unheard of that a man send another man to woo a woman in his name and this has, in history, caused interesting, entertaining and quite tragic tales of a woman falling in love with her wooer and not the woo-buyer. During courtship the man visits often with the woman's father, as does his own father, wooing the father with financial viability and prosperity. Should there be little want in the daughter, such as lack of beauty, dowry or not being first-born, it is common instead that the woman's father would in turn woo a man's father in search of a suitable match for her. During these courtships between fathers is where the negotiations are made and met, deciding factors being family history, viability in offspring, reputation, dowry and political favors. It is not uncommon to promise future support in things as the heavier factor in these proceedings. When these negotiations are made, the Betrothal Year begins and in this time the wooing continues as if a peacock doing his dance for the man demonstrates his wealth or his skills by continuing to charm the woman with wooing. Meanwhile for the woman she presents herself in all the glory of her own ability in skill or wealth by dressing the part of the peacock's interest meaning she is only ever in his presence in absolute finery whether sewn of her own hand or those of only the most skilled. Where the Kandavan are lavish in jewels and cloth, the Godgrim are lavish with precious metals and are infamously known for decorating themselves from head to toe in such fine metals as gold, silver, and copper.
SYMBOL: To signify the marriage the Godgrim couple are presented to the Godgrim family at a very lavish feast whereupon the finest wines, teas and liquors are poured with a rule of never an empty cup until the couple have departed to their new bed. During these festivities it is expected that the couple is in absolutely the finest of adornments that have never been worn, never been seen before and will never be worn again. Their marital garb, once removed before their consummation, is then displayed in their house within a glass encasement and is always judged and compared, so being careful to pick only the best and most lasting trends is usually the wise course. It is custom that the couple are greeted by the family each as if born anew to the family, their brows kissed and each individual giving them a blessing towards their futures. A game of it is sometimes made where riddles of good-fortune are given and the very best are never solved. Songs of the couple are often sung during the festivities and poetry given as gift. As a token, the man and woman receive a gift from each other's parents in the fashion of a ring that is worn. This is not a signifier of being married, only is just a gift and the gift is a symbol of what the spouse's parents think of you - for better or for worse. Meanwhile, to signify they are married, it is custom to show the seriousness of wealth and station within Godgrim by wearing a bracelet of gold woven so thread-fine as to be a cloth to demonstrate their marital status, always worn on their right wrist, the underside of which is tattooed with the symbol of House Godgrim.
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